I was receiving top notch lessons at the dinner table. Blue Ribbon Sushi. Along with Natalie Portman and Laura Prepon, neither of whom offered their support or encouragement.
“Eu gosto de peixe,” I said, proudly displaying my new and sophisticated command of the Portuguese language. “Eu gosto de chocolate.”
“Say ‘eu gosto de buceta,’” Raica prompted.
“Eu gosto de buceta!” I said, flinging my wrist like an Italian. It came out so naturally. “It has gusto!”
They snickered across the table.
“Say it again.”
“Eu gosto de buceta!!” I said with joy.
“WHAT?!” I cried. “What does it mean?!”
“I like pussy.”
“Oh…” Well once more for good measure, then.
“Eu gosto de buceta!”